Well -- I am hiding in a cubby right now at the library... you know the ones with the weird wavy glass walls and doors and its like your own little private study (torture) chamber. That's where I am writing from tonight...
You may wonder why I feel the need to hide from the world, and really I guess it's kind of like how Jesus would withdrawal from the crowds except he went to be with God and I am going to be with myself and with my homework. Life has just been REAL crazy lately and as a natural extrovert and learned introvert (got this from Bobby, except he's the opposite) I sometimes have to hide from people or else I won't ever take the time that I know I need for myself. So, that's why I am hiding here -- and because I have 2 tests, a lab report, a methods paper, and a book to read in the next 2 days.
Life has been way too eventful for me lately -- here are the highlights and some of the just lights of the past few days.
So, yesterday realized that I didn't know what I was going to make for HG at about 5:00 so I just started mixing some stuff together in the kitchen and was going to make cookies when I ran out of flour... whoops... so just started adding oats and other absorbant things and turned it into a weird pumpkin chocolate chip oatmeal cake -- it looked like... well, I'll refrain from expressions and just let you imagine. It was not the tastiest thing I've ever made -- sorry bout that one HG.
Then coming back from HG my car broke... it would start and everything was fine except it was stuck in park and wouldn't shift -- some air lock shifter blah blahty blah thing. Now, Ol Silver Bullet has been good to me and I plan to sell her this summer, but she has hit the 101,000 mile mark. Anyway called a tow truck waited like 2 hours, it came, they wouldn't tow it because it was already midnight, so made an appt for them to tow it in the morning. Then some guys (Jeff & Micah) decide to go mess with it some more and it magically shifts again and is like nothing ever happened --- cool. So, take it in today just to make sure nothing is terribly wrong and I can drive to H-town thursday. They're like 'we hooked up your car 15 times and there is nothing wrong with it!' And they didn't charge me, which was cool! So, my car got healed! sweet!
Didn't have a car so I ran back from class today, my apt is like a mileish from campus so my roommate dropped me off and I just didn't take anything to class except my ipod and after it was over I just ran on back to the apt. That was kind of funny.
Worked at Carenet today -- it was really hard. In meeting with these girls lately who have had TERRIBLE home lives and experienced so much abuse and violence in their lives I have been able to feel darkness like I haven't in a while. Its like this tangible, heaviness that just makes me shudder and feel real uneasy. It has been really cool though in a few of these situations specifically where I start praying or just telling them things that the Bible says are true and I can feel the power and virtue in the truth. Kind of like when that lady touched Jesus'garment and he knew power went out from Him. Light always wins!
I guess that's about it, oh yeah seriously dating this one guy -- 5 dates in 3 days kind of thing. ya know...
j/k, just trying to top Anna Beth -- she's hard to keep up with. =o) jk
Well -- back to the test review... and for the record -- cubbies are laaaaame.
3.07.2006
3.03.2006
Light of the WORLD
I feel I need to preface this with some of the events from this past week: I have been sharing a room with a 9 yr old boy from AB's school b/c he and his mom are homeless right now and she can't handle him sometimes. I went to a benefit concert for Africa last night and saw 'Invisible Children', I started volunteering at this day care for kids in a very poor neighborhood and got cussed out more than I ever have in my entire life by 5-6 year olds who think those words are normal conversation, I've been listening to J C's songs about Charity means Love all week, I saw a client at the preg center who had been sexually abused by both of her brothers and a sister, and going to a class about AIDS in South Africa .... God has been doing a lot in my heart through all of these things and it kind of just all came out last night in this...
Pain, Injustice, Suffering surrounds
like thick darkness weighing down around,
I am a light, and I WILL shine,
it is the nature of the darkness
to magnify the light to its very source.
So, what's the deal? Why the defeat coming,
creeping ever closer, threatning
to extinguish my flame?
I know it can't be quenched, the Spirit in me,
and yet right now I feel the depths of my soul
resound in an anguished cry for the orphans,
the invisible children, the impoverished, starving,
diseased, not just in the world, or even in my city,
but in my bedroom sleeping right next to me... 9 years old.
God, I see You -- You are not gone.
You are the widow, the abducted child, the weak, the mom
who can't care for her kids ... I see You.
But, what I don't see is the freedom, the hope
the life that You give. Jesus, be not far away
but run to the help of Your love tonight
because I can't rest warm in my bed while You are
on the streets. There's nothing else I can say
tonight Lord but cry to You Jesus... not with
requests even but with my entire soul groaning
before You on behalf of these.
I come into this darkness and beg You to shine.
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me." Micah7:7-8
Pain, Injustice, Suffering surrounds
like thick darkness weighing down around,
I am a light, and I WILL shine,
it is the nature of the darkness
to magnify the light to its very source.
So, what's the deal? Why the defeat coming,
creeping ever closer, threatning
to extinguish my flame?
I know it can't be quenched, the Spirit in me,
and yet right now I feel the depths of my soul
resound in an anguished cry for the orphans,
the invisible children, the impoverished, starving,
diseased, not just in the world, or even in my city,
but in my bedroom sleeping right next to me... 9 years old.
God, I see You -- You are not gone.
You are the widow, the abducted child, the weak, the mom
who can't care for her kids ... I see You.
But, what I don't see is the freedom, the hope
the life that You give. Jesus, be not far away
but run to the help of Your love tonight
because I can't rest warm in my bed while You are
on the streets. There's nothing else I can say
tonight Lord but cry to You Jesus... not with
requests even but with my entire soul groaning
before You on behalf of these.
I come into this darkness and beg You to shine.
"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me." Micah7:7-8
2.18.2006
Fun Day!
So ... I had a really fun day yesterday and just wanted to share it with y'all. So, class schmass blah blah it was cold so I skipped my last class and went home -- because I was cold? Yeah, not a good reason but it convinced me at the time. Then, went home and worked on Missy's birthday present. I painted her a picture and I am just counting on her not checking my blog before I go to Austin tonight to celebrate her birthday with her... so don't tell her.(it isn't finished yet -- hence the random white space, but it is almost done -- you can imagine with me.)
And then, I get a call from some friends who are exchange students this semester from Turkey and they told me they had a surprise for me and wanted me to come to the SUB. So, I went to the SUB with some guys that are also friends with these exhchange students and we're walking around looking for them, and when we find them they had set up a table in the sub and were giving away free pudding. They went to Dallas yesterday so that their friend's mom could make this special dessert from Turkey in honor of a holiday that is happening there right now celebrating Noah. So, they made this 'Noah's pudding' and gave it away for free in the SUB to whomever was brave enough to try it! It was SOOOOOOO CUTE! I mean, I was just amazed that they took the initiative to do something like this and share their culture and beliefs with Baylor and it was really cool to sit at the table with them giving this stuff out and talking about Turkey to the students at Baylor. So, the pudding was really good and it was just fun time with them.
So, then I went home and was just hanging out with roommates when these Turkish guys came over to give all of my roomates (all 8 of us) pudding. I noticed they were saving some and not giving it all away but I guessed they were just keeping it for themselves -- it was SO sweet of them.
Then, I went and babysat for Mission Waco. They had this lady named Mary Nelson who is over 80 and has done community organizing and worked towards ending poverty in inner city Chicago for YEARS. So, I got to have dinner with her just by chance because I was seated by her and she is SO amazing, it was really cool to talk with her about ending poverty and ways to make that reality. Then babysat for some GREAT kids, it was really fun.
Then, went bowling with a bunch of my friends and the Turkish guys -- who are AMAZING at bowling by the way -- I was totallly surprised. However... I just want to be prideful for a minute and tell you that I broke 100 TWICE and not only that but I also bowled a TURKEY! That is 3 strikes in a row people! I know... my game was OVER after that but it was SOOOOOOOO fun.
Basically, I just really enjoyed being with my friends yesterday and was so surprised how much I was ministered to and loved through spending time with these people yesterday.
And then, I get a call from some friends who are exchange students this semester from Turkey and they told me they had a surprise for me and wanted me to come to the SUB. So, I went to the SUB with some guys that are also friends with these exhchange students and we're walking around looking for them, and when we find them they had set up a table in the sub and were giving away free pudding. They went to Dallas yesterday so that their friend's mom could make this special dessert from Turkey in honor of a holiday that is happening there right now celebrating Noah. So, they made this 'Noah's pudding' and gave it away for free in the SUB to whomever was brave enough to try it! It was SOOOOOOO CUTE! I mean, I was just amazed that they took the initiative to do something like this and share their culture and beliefs with Baylor and it was really cool to sit at the table with them giving this stuff out and talking about Turkey to the students at Baylor. So, the pudding was really good and it was just fun time with them.
So, then I went home and was just hanging out with roommates when these Turkish guys came over to give all of my roomates (all 8 of us) pudding. I noticed they were saving some and not giving it all away but I guessed they were just keeping it for themselves -- it was SO sweet of them.
Then, I went and babysat for Mission Waco. They had this lady named Mary Nelson who is over 80 and has done community organizing and worked towards ending poverty in inner city Chicago for YEARS. So, I got to have dinner with her just by chance because I was seated by her and she is SO amazing, it was really cool to talk with her about ending poverty and ways to make that reality. Then babysat for some GREAT kids, it was really fun.
Then, went bowling with a bunch of my friends and the Turkish guys -- who are AMAZING at bowling by the way -- I was totallly surprised. However... I just want to be prideful for a minute and tell you that I broke 100 TWICE and not only that but I also bowled a TURKEY! That is 3 strikes in a row people! I know... my game was OVER after that but it was SOOOOOOOO fun.
Basically, I just really enjoyed being with my friends yesterday and was so surprised how much I was ministered to and loved through spending time with these people yesterday.
2.08.2006
2.06.2006
Blessed are the poor....
Alright, been thinking a lot and reading a lot about these things and I don’t think I’ve come to a whole lot of conclusions, but consider this my ‘verbal processing’ of poverty and what it means to take a proactively Christian approach to the poor in your neighborhood.
I think what I am getting most hung up about is this idea of empowering as opposed to sustaining. As Christians we can continue to give to those in poverty in a way that sustains their position as a receiver and an individual on the edge of poverty. I think that this is biblical – that we are called to give to those who ask of us and not expect anything in return. The idea of giving to the poor and giving generously and continuously is biblical, I don’t have any qualms about it. “Therefore if you have not been faithful in the use of unrighteous wealth, who will entrust the true riches to you?” Luke16:11 … I mean there ya have it, measured by our own standard of giving.
But this type of service keeps me in a position to give and keeps the other person in a position to receive – I am the one in control, the one with the power. Poverty as a condition is ultimately about the distribution of power and I don’t see how this is going to tip the power scale to the side of the marginalized. Even if I choose to form a relationship with this person and I become an advocate for the injustice that is happening in the life of this individual, I am still in control and still in a position to give therefore forcing the other person into a receiver posture. I don’t think that this means that we should just shrug our shoulders and go about our business without giving, loving, advocating …. But what about moving past this place of sustaining poverty and actually empowering these blessed ones to take hold of kingdom riches and their identity in Jesus in a way that transforms entire lives and communities? These sound like two radically different things to me.
What was Jesus really saying when He said “Blessed is the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”(Matt 5)? I don’t think that He was excusing us from caring for the poor by passing over them with a ‘God bless you’, but that He really means it – the poor are blessed, they really do posses treasures of the kingdom of God. I love this quote from Robert Lupton: I need the poor? For what? The question exposes my blindness. I see them as the weak ones to be rescued, not as bearers of the treasures of the kingdom. The dominance of my giving overshadows and stifles the rich endowments the creator has invested in those who I consider destitute.
So, what does this mean for those of us who desire to live as Christ? I am not sure I know the answer except that it is not enough to remain the helper and the giver but we’ve got to open ourselves up to empower these people because I can’t imagine a deeper poverty than to have nothing to offer to anyone. That is the deep wound of poverty – worthlessness, not having anything of value to offer to the world, this is the lie sealed in the hearts of these ‘poor’ souls -- that the image of the Creator in whose likeness they have been formed is absent. The very essence of creation in the image of God conveys worth and value and beauty that is quenched in these people who are reminded constantly of their un-value and worthlessness – what a terrible lie to live with daily.
Coming from a middle class background into a culture of poverty no matter what country you are in is a cross-cultural experience. There are so many ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ already when trying to be sensitive to another culture but when you add poverty into the mix, how do you not take away their identity? It just seems wrong to me for me to be the one to presume to know what the local poor community needs and therefore implement the appropriate program. Who knows the heartbeat and true problem of the community better than those who have wrestled with it for years? The difference between sustaining and empowering lies here – how can we empower the people in poverty to be instruments of change within their families and communities in a way that speaks to THEIR needs and not to what we perceive the needs to be? And herein lies my struggle… how can we be proactive, move towards justice, advocate equality, give help and love to these individuals without tipping the scale of power even more by making it ‘our responsibility’ instead of the communities? I am not sure if this makes sense outside of my head – but basically I want to empower the community to be it’s own instrument of change without putting ourselves in a position to be ‘helper’ and ‘giver’ and the poor to be ‘receiver’ and ‘helpless’.
Admittedly, there are so many hurdles to loving in a way that speaks power into the life of another – especially with poverty because it runs so deep and isn’t just in the housing area but in the child rearing and the education level and the drug addictions and so on. As I’ve been getting more involved with poor people in my own community, I have had to ask a lot of questions about what it means to be truly loving because I don’t think Jesus would just give a $20 and a hug – he always spoke to the sin, to the heart of the matter and then spoke hope and power into the lives of the broken… man, I want to be like that.
I think what I am getting most hung up about is this idea of empowering as opposed to sustaining. As Christians we can continue to give to those in poverty in a way that sustains their position as a receiver and an individual on the edge of poverty. I think that this is biblical – that we are called to give to those who ask of us and not expect anything in return. The idea of giving to the poor and giving generously and continuously is biblical, I don’t have any qualms about it. “Therefore if you have not been faithful in the use of unrighteous wealth, who will entrust the true riches to you?” Luke16:11 … I mean there ya have it, measured by our own standard of giving.
But this type of service keeps me in a position to give and keeps the other person in a position to receive – I am the one in control, the one with the power. Poverty as a condition is ultimately about the distribution of power and I don’t see how this is going to tip the power scale to the side of the marginalized. Even if I choose to form a relationship with this person and I become an advocate for the injustice that is happening in the life of this individual, I am still in control and still in a position to give therefore forcing the other person into a receiver posture. I don’t think that this means that we should just shrug our shoulders and go about our business without giving, loving, advocating …. But what about moving past this place of sustaining poverty and actually empowering these blessed ones to take hold of kingdom riches and their identity in Jesus in a way that transforms entire lives and communities? These sound like two radically different things to me.
What was Jesus really saying when He said “Blessed is the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”(Matt 5)? I don’t think that He was excusing us from caring for the poor by passing over them with a ‘God bless you’, but that He really means it – the poor are blessed, they really do posses treasures of the kingdom of God. I love this quote from Robert Lupton: I need the poor? For what? The question exposes my blindness. I see them as the weak ones to be rescued, not as bearers of the treasures of the kingdom. The dominance of my giving overshadows and stifles the rich endowments the creator has invested in those who I consider destitute.
So, what does this mean for those of us who desire to live as Christ? I am not sure I know the answer except that it is not enough to remain the helper and the giver but we’ve got to open ourselves up to empower these people because I can’t imagine a deeper poverty than to have nothing to offer to anyone. That is the deep wound of poverty – worthlessness, not having anything of value to offer to the world, this is the lie sealed in the hearts of these ‘poor’ souls -- that the image of the Creator in whose likeness they have been formed is absent. The very essence of creation in the image of God conveys worth and value and beauty that is quenched in these people who are reminded constantly of their un-value and worthlessness – what a terrible lie to live with daily.
Coming from a middle class background into a culture of poverty no matter what country you are in is a cross-cultural experience. There are so many ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ already when trying to be sensitive to another culture but when you add poverty into the mix, how do you not take away their identity? It just seems wrong to me for me to be the one to presume to know what the local poor community needs and therefore implement the appropriate program. Who knows the heartbeat and true problem of the community better than those who have wrestled with it for years? The difference between sustaining and empowering lies here – how can we empower the people in poverty to be instruments of change within their families and communities in a way that speaks to THEIR needs and not to what we perceive the needs to be? And herein lies my struggle… how can we be proactive, move towards justice, advocate equality, give help and love to these individuals without tipping the scale of power even more by making it ‘our responsibility’ instead of the communities? I am not sure if this makes sense outside of my head – but basically I want to empower the community to be it’s own instrument of change without putting ourselves in a position to be ‘helper’ and ‘giver’ and the poor to be ‘receiver’ and ‘helpless’.
Admittedly, there are so many hurdles to loving in a way that speaks power into the life of another – especially with poverty because it runs so deep and isn’t just in the housing area but in the child rearing and the education level and the drug addictions and so on. As I’ve been getting more involved with poor people in my own community, I have had to ask a lot of questions about what it means to be truly loving because I don’t think Jesus would just give a $20 and a hug – he always spoke to the sin, to the heart of the matter and then spoke hope and power into the lives of the broken… man, I want to be like that.
1.19.2006
Happs of this week
Sorry for not updating sooner -- choose an excuse -- it is probably true. So, here are the recent happenings of my life...
got my rat this week for my learning and behavior class, her name is Splinter. I tried to pick a lively one because I have to spend at least 2 hours a week with her. Well, in so doing I picked a squirmer who proceeded to poop on me about 12 times. That's gross. However, we got reaquainted today and she didn't poop on me at all -- so, looks like our relationship is really blossoming.
Matt Chandler spoke at church this week during revivial -- it was awesome! He spoke some really challenging truth about being created to push back the darkness and that the reason we are so bored is because we're living for smaller things. He talked about using our resources -- literally everything God has given us in order not only to serve the least but to become their slaves. I was really convicted as he spoke last night about really KNOWING God verses knowing about Him -- I feel like I find myself in this cycle of being trapped in that. So -- it was good, he makes me laugh AND love Jesus more.
I got pooped on by a bird while walking with AB -- thought of you J
Saw 2 married ladies at the pregnancy center who were pregnant, planning on it, stable, and happy -- this is a rare occurance so it was fun!
Read a book by Augustine - Enchiridion on Faith, Hope and Love ... it was pretty good, one of my favorite things about it was the way that He discussed grace and how we are sustained by the unmerited favor of God. "His umerited mercy should shine forth the more brightly in contrast with the unworthiness of its objects"
Prayed a lot more than I have been for my sister, family, friends, leadership, the church, the lost ... it has been good
Well, that's about it for now.... more to come
got my rat this week for my learning and behavior class, her name is Splinter. I tried to pick a lively one because I have to spend at least 2 hours a week with her. Well, in so doing I picked a squirmer who proceeded to poop on me about 12 times. That's gross. However, we got reaquainted today and she didn't poop on me at all -- so, looks like our relationship is really blossoming.
Matt Chandler spoke at church this week during revivial -- it was awesome! He spoke some really challenging truth about being created to push back the darkness and that the reason we are so bored is because we're living for smaller things. He talked about using our resources -- literally everything God has given us in order not only to serve the least but to become their slaves. I was really convicted as he spoke last night about really KNOWING God verses knowing about Him -- I feel like I find myself in this cycle of being trapped in that. So -- it was good, he makes me laugh AND love Jesus more.
I got pooped on by a bird while walking with AB -- thought of you J
Saw 2 married ladies at the pregnancy center who were pregnant, planning on it, stable, and happy -- this is a rare occurance so it was fun!
Read a book by Augustine - Enchiridion on Faith, Hope and Love ... it was pretty good, one of my favorite things about it was the way that He discussed grace and how we are sustained by the unmerited favor of God. "His umerited mercy should shine forth the more brightly in contrast with the unworthiness of its objects"
Prayed a lot more than I have been for my sister, family, friends, leadership, the church, the lost ... it has been good
Well, that's about it for now.... more to come
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
