Last Judgment

So....
I saw this painting the other day and I can't get it out of my head, I even dreamt about it the other night. Now, I am not entirely sure what that means but here is the background on the painting. It is called Last Judgment by: Michelangelo Buonarroti. It was painted on the altar wall of the Sistine Chapel and is composed of hundreds of figures (mostly nude) and it is kind of a 'war of the worlds' feel. You can see people being dragged down into Hell by gleeful demons and it's just really powerful and unsettling at the same time. I heard from a few friends this week who are spending their lives to proclaim the great news of the gospel to the world. It is hard sometimes, Paul didn't write letters to the believers in the early church because he had a lot of free time, but because he knew that the believers desperately needed encouragement and exhortation to press on -- I don't think that those striving to follow Jesus today should expect any less.
Anyway, I was praying for my friends who are struggling, reflecting on my current lifestyle, and thinking about the reality of hell depicted so graphically in this painting and here is what I wrote in my journal....

As I am surrounded by suburbia and that lifestyle I can't help but think of what a lie it is. I see all these people (not all of them I realize) so inward focused and looking for something bigger than themeslves by making yard contests, getting nicer things, and building probably unhealthy relationships with pets instead of neighbors. But the truly tragic thing is that it looks really good -- like, I think 'that's nice', or 'good for you,' but really if there's nothing bigger than the house you build or the neighborhood you can wall yourself up in-- than what is the point? Having a family isn't even the point, raising kids well isn't the point. We are missing the God of the Universe because He's not in the suburbs... I don't mean to say that God is absent but rather that if suburbia is the whole of life than I would venture to say that we're missing out on other ways to experience God that isn't going to happen in the suburbs. It's not even that these people don't know and love Him -- but if that is it and the story of our lives isn't about making God look great, than all we have magnified in this life is ourselves or maybe our families -- but that doesn't say much about the Savior and Light of the World. It is such a trap and so much of me still wants to hold on to it like it is enough.
To those who have left this life behind in order to be obeidient to the call...
"Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus...Let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained." Philippians3:12-16

I rejoice with you that you have counted it all trash for the sake of knowing Him and making Him known, may you be refuelled today, I love you brothers and sisters!

These lyrics gave words to the struggle going on in my soul as I prayed for you all and fought this within myself...

"What looks like failure is success, what looks like poverty is riches, when what is True looks more like a lie, it looks like you're killing me but you're saving my life."
" I give myself to what looks like love, and I sell myself for what feels like love and I've paid again for what is not love and all just because, I see things upside down. "
" What looks like weakness can do anything, what looks likes foolishness is understanding, when what is powerful did not come to fight, it looks like you're going to war but you lay down your life. What looks like torture is a time to rejoice, what sounds like thunder is a comforting voice when what is beautiful looks broken and crushed and I say I don't know you but you say its finished." -Derek Webb

This is me, sister, and best friend Sarah at her ranch -- we are balancing around a fire pit ... hence the awkward posture. 

This was from our roommate decorate for Christmas party... don't ask what I am wearing. Meagan made some uh-mazing cider, it was really fun. And the GHETTO Christmas tree fell over the next day, but then Anna Beth climbed into it with her broken leg to wire it to the wall....whew... good thing it's back up now 

My Beautiful Roommates of 1220 Wood... I love these girls 

This was Anna Beth's first successful surprise party! yesssssss! She was so surprised she peed... okay she didn't, but it was still a really good surprise. Happy Birthday roommate... hey, ask her how old she is now -- she likes that 

This was from our birthday... me, Elyse and Dora had a real good time! 

finally...

It's update time! Sorry to keep you waiting (as you anxiously check my blog everyday -- jk -- except to Michelle/update Nazi ... jk)
Well, on a high learning curve these days. I am 22 now -- older, but the wiser part remains to be seen. I am learning a lot about what it means to be sacrificial and not in the comfortable -- you can have my seat kind of way, but in the radical 'I gave my today so you could have a tomorrow' kind of way. Hang with me here, I am not just being extreme because that is my personality but because when it comes to being sacrificial, I truly believe that Jesus set an example that puts most of us to shame.
So -- here's a trend I see in my own life when it comes to being a 'living sacrifice'. I am willing to sacrifice to the degree that I appear hospitable or Christ-like and can do this completely on my own without any encouragement or support. However, when things get uncomfortable, annoying, painful even I am a lot more likely to see a way out of the situation or avoid it all-together. For example, 'give to those who can't give back to you.' (Luke something) seems straightforward enough. Yet often times in my relationships one of the continual struggles is feeling 'empty' or 'not valued' because I am giving and expecting things to be paid back to me and when they aren't I feel as if my 'rights' are being violated. The whole issue of 'rights' is a whole other soapbox I will put aside for now...
Here is some scripture that has been weighing on me this week --

I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren, my kinsmen. Romans9:2-3

This is what Paul said to the Romans and he never even went to visit them! He was willing to sacrifice his own salvation for the salvation of others... I really can't even imagine that kind of tenacity and brokenness for other people. What am I willing to give so others can know him? A few hours here and there, maybe even a summer trip or few years of my life -- but my whole life, everything that is considered 'mine' offered up so that the world might know Jesus Christ. Not on my own, I need God to come and give me a heart and life of willing obedience and love for Him above my own life, because really to belong to Jesus is for my life to not be 'mine' anymore.

But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. YOU TOO, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me. Philippians2:17-18

Paul's service wasn't out of compulsion or desire to be a men-pleaser but out of JOY. His loving service and sacrifice for others' faith came out of an overflow of joy in his life because of what God was doing. My service oftentimes begs for attention or complains at the way others aren't serving as much as I am etc etc. It isn't joyful because on my own I can't produce that kind of life giving joy -- again, I need the Spirit of God in me to overflow into the lives of others.

And my own personal summary of Ephesians4 is: walk with humility, gentleness, tolerance, and preserve unity. Speak truth in love for edification. Be kind, tender-hearted and forgiving.

If you know me, then you know that these are not natural personality traits that I have but that anything good or righteous that comes from my life comes from the Giver of Life. We are, and yes I feel pretty confident speaking for all of us on this one -- we are stubbor, stiff necked, and obstinate people in deep need of a Savior every hour, every moment. This is all really elementary to faith -- but I have just neeeded to hear these things spoken over me and rest again in what He so graciously supplies everyday instead of the sloppy mess that I can produce on my own.

It awes me to think about a generation marked by the Spirit of God in this way, that would say 'Don't just take my parking place and my spot in line but here, take my whole entire life, it is my joy to serve and sacrifice for your faith.' God, help us!