We decided when we first found out that we were pregnant, that whether we celebrated or whether we grieved, that we wanted to do it with the people that we love – we wouldn’t hide our joy or our pain. So, this is our pain. I am having a miscarriage. We aren’t ready for this to be over yet. We were only knowingly pregnant for a little over a week and somehow in that time everything changed. Our shock and disbelief turned to joy and anticipation. Our entire future changed, and we were so excited. I used to fear that the ‘motherly instinct’ had skipped me altogether and when I was pregnant I wouldn’t feel the things you are supposed to feel. But I know that’s not true now, I want to be a mom so badly. I can’t believe how quickly we grew attached to this pregnancy, this future, this baby… and now it is all ending, just like that. I’m so sad – there are no words to the grief I feel about everything that could have been. But we do not grieve as those who have no hope. From the beginning this has been the Lord’s and at the end it remains His. We may never fully understand why God allowed this to happen right now, this way. But, we believe His everlasting goodness and faithfulness. His love and mercy does not waver or change – I cannot earn it or be removed from it. So, we grieve the loss of this life, this future, our first baby and pregnancy…and we hope. We hope for the family we will have, for the babies we will watch grow up, for the pregnancies that will not end this way. And we trust. We trust God’s love for us, his comfort over our brokenness and pain, his holiness and glory.
“And in your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.” Psalm 139:16.
3.25.2009
3.17.2009
3.15.2009
blowing bubbles
We had a celebration for the children who returned from Turkey after surgery. It was great to see these kids who couldn't walk up stairs before play games where they had to take deep breaths and blow and they did great! They had a great time and it was so fun to watch their enjoyment and see how healthy they are looking.
Ahmed if you remember was one of the worst cases. He was very blue before surgery and could hardly walk. Look at him now! He is doing so much better and has been playing and gaining weight - he looks amazing!
This is Taban. She is doing great! Her family is worried that she's being TOO active because she loves to run around and play and is now totally healed. She will never need another surgery and will be able to grow up and have kids and live a normal life. Her dad loved playing the bean bag toss with her, it was really cute!
This is little Zana. He was the last to return from surgery and just got back a week ago. But look how great he is doing at blowing bubbles!
Here is the girls with our first child we sent to Turkey for surgery. She is the one in the middle in the red and she's doing great!
Ahmed if you remember was one of the worst cases. He was very blue before surgery and could hardly walk. Look at him now! He is doing so much better and has been playing and gaining weight - he looks amazing!
This is Taban. She is doing great! Her family is worried that she's being TOO active because she loves to run around and play and is now totally healed. She will never need another surgery and will be able to grow up and have kids and live a normal life. Her dad loved playing the bean bag toss with her, it was really cute!
This is little Zana. He was the last to return from surgery and just got back a week ago. But look how great he is doing at blowing bubbles!
Here is the girls with our first child we sent to Turkey for surgery. She is the one in the middle in the red and she's doing great!
3.14.2009
We're gonna have a baby!!!
We just found out this week that I am indeed pregnant! We're still pretty shocked, but really excited and totally terrified... that's normal right? I don't know what it is about moving overseas - maybe it's the winter, the lack of electricity, the new bacteria in the drinking water...but whatever it is we are pregnant and couldn't be more excited. It is still really early, only 5 weeks, but I will be going to the doctor probably next week to make sure everything is on track. So, sometime in November we are going to have a baby.....WHAT?! Maybe I can share a birthday with someone else! Or maybe you can Chelsea, or you Sarah, or you AB, or you Jennifer, or Beth... there are so many great days in November to be born! We'll keep you posted!
3.09.2009
normal?
Life here is continuously becoming more 'normal'.... or I guess I should say that things here are the same, we are just getting more used to them. There were things when we arrived that I couldn't imagine getting used to. But alas, I had to think really hard about what those things even were now.
- Jeff never thought he would get used to being called Kak Jeff. That is how they refer to men here, it is like Mr. and is a term of respect. It is pronounced like a bad word in English, it rhymes with sock. But now Jeff is called Kak Jeff several times a day and refers to other men as Kak so and so without being phased.
- Pretty much every English cuss word is a normal word in Kurdish. Just walking down the street or listening to people talk it sounds like they are dropping the F-bomb and every other manner of cuss word. The word for thing or stuff is Sh*t, so people say it ALL the time. I use it now without feeling awkward, so that's a step forward.
- The electricity goes off every 2 hours when it switches from government provided electricity to community provided electricity. Sometimes it takes several minutes for the switch to happen or other times it won't switch at all and you are left in the dark. I used to feel like everything should stop when this happened (haha it just happened as I'm typing this). But now it doesn't matter where we are, you just continue your conversation, finish your dinner, do the dishes all in the dark and it is okay.
Well, I'm not sure it is coming back on, so I better go before we loose our back up power source!
- Jeff never thought he would get used to being called Kak Jeff. That is how they refer to men here, it is like Mr. and is a term of respect. It is pronounced like a bad word in English, it rhymes with sock. But now Jeff is called Kak Jeff several times a day and refers to other men as Kak so and so without being phased.
- Pretty much every English cuss word is a normal word in Kurdish. Just walking down the street or listening to people talk it sounds like they are dropping the F-bomb and every other manner of cuss word. The word for thing or stuff is Sh*t, so people say it ALL the time. I use it now without feeling awkward, so that's a step forward.
- The electricity goes off every 2 hours when it switches from government provided electricity to community provided electricity. Sometimes it takes several minutes for the switch to happen or other times it won't switch at all and you are left in the dark. I used to feel like everything should stop when this happened (haha it just happened as I'm typing this). But now it doesn't matter where we are, you just continue your conversation, finish your dinner, do the dishes all in the dark and it is okay.
Well, I'm not sure it is coming back on, so I better go before we loose our back up power source!
3.05.2009
our house
Here are some interior pictures of what we have finished so far in our house. The upstairs is a work in progress, but the downstairs is almost finished!
This is our bedroom. We painted the walls and LOVE the color!
This is another view of the bedroom.
Here is our kitchen. The stove and fridge are on the other walls... but they seem pretty bare by themselves, so I didn't post those.
The living room.
The faux fire place. the mirror isn't supposed to go there we just haven't hung it yet.
That is the downstairs, minus the bathroom, shower and sink (which are all separate rooms). We are in the process of painting the upstairs and I will take pictures of that as soon as we get around to buying furniture for it... it might be a couple months! =)
This is our bedroom. We painted the walls and LOVE the color!
This is another view of the bedroom.
Here is our kitchen. The stove and fridge are on the other walls... but they seem pretty bare by themselves, so I didn't post those.
The living room.
The faux fire place. the mirror isn't supposed to go there we just haven't hung it yet.
That is the downstairs, minus the bathroom, shower and sink (which are all separate rooms). We are in the process of painting the upstairs and I will take pictures of that as soon as we get around to buying furniture for it... it might be a couple months! =)
3.03.2009
...
I don't know what to call this post, I had a hard time writing it too because I just don't know what to say.
Early Sunday morning baby Honyar died in Turkey after receiving heart surgery almost a week ago. She was 5 months old and had a large hole in her heart. Baby Honyar endured a very difficult surgery and never came out of ICU. She died because her pulmonary pressure could not stabilize and it got too high. She put up a valiant fight, but God has called her home. We ask that you keep Honyar’s mother in your thoughts and prayers as she copes with the death of her first child in a foreign country away from her husband and family. Also, please pray for Honyar’s father and family as they prepare to receive their loved ones back from Turkey. Pray for comfort and peace that only the Lord can give. We have no explanations or answers other than that the doctors and medical staff did everything within their power, but God is the one who holds life and death. We are all grieving with this family, but not as those who have no hope. Pray for Hope for this family today, because in the midst of all of this pain and sorrow, that is really all we have… Hope.
Early Sunday morning baby Honyar died in Turkey after receiving heart surgery almost a week ago. She was 5 months old and had a large hole in her heart. Baby Honyar endured a very difficult surgery and never came out of ICU. She died because her pulmonary pressure could not stabilize and it got too high. She put up a valiant fight, but God has called her home. We ask that you keep Honyar’s mother in your thoughts and prayers as she copes with the death of her first child in a foreign country away from her husband and family. Also, please pray for Honyar’s father and family as they prepare to receive their loved ones back from Turkey. Pray for comfort and peace that only the Lord can give. We have no explanations or answers other than that the doctors and medical staff did everything within their power, but God is the one who holds life and death. We are all grieving with this family, but not as those who have no hope. Pray for Hope for this family today, because in the midst of all of this pain and sorrow, that is really all we have… Hope.
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