Hey guys,
For those of you following the Fulbright drama I have an announcement to make. "I QUIT!" Yeah, it was kind of a sudden decision, but the right one I feel. Basically somewhere around rough draft no. 6 I realized that what I was proposing to do wasn't even what I wanted to do anymore. In order to get the scholarship I was having to change everything about what I wanted to do and it turned into this purely academic thing that I really could care less about. I felt kind of stupid just because I went so far with it and put so much into it and was real close to being finished -- but I feel like it isn't what the Lord has for me. I still want to go back to Turkey and I still want to help women and do counseling, but I am not going to try and do this with Fulbright anymore. It is a great program, really, but it just isn't for me. I am not the candidate they are looking for because in order to 'get it' I would be changing so much of who I am that I am not even myself anymore and that isn't a compromise I am willing to make. Thanks for your prayers, advice, and love! I appreciate ya'lls support and understanding. much love! And more good news -- I have a life again, so that means more time to spend with YOU (whoever you are?). No more Saturdays at the library! wooooo!
9.28.2005
9.19.2005
music
I've been listening to some powerful music the past few weeks that has really challenged and encouraged me, so I just wanted to pass some of it along:
The church just can’t fight because it’s asleep in the light. How can you be so dead when you’ve been so well fed? Jesus rose from the dead and you can’t even get out of bed. -- 'Asleep in the light' by: Keith Green
sidenote: Keith Green sings this song called 'He'll take care of the Rest' where he tells stories about God's provisions. He tells the story about Moses, and in his song God calls Moses 'Mo' ... and it gets me everytime...Mo .... haha..
Jesus commands us to go but we go the other way, so He carries the burden alone while His children are busy at play, feeling so called to stay.... Jesus commands us to go, it should be the exception if we stay. It’s no wonder we’re moving so slow, when his church refuses to obey, feeling so called to stay. -- Keith Green
I wanna take your word and shine it all around, but first help me just to live it Lord. And when I am doing well help me to never seek a crown, for my reward is giving glory to You. ‘O Lord You’re Beautiful” – Keith Green
To obey is better than sacrifice I want more than Sunday and Wednesday nights cause if you can’t come to me everyday then don't bother coming at all. "To obey is better than sacrifice" -- Keith Green
My son, my son why are you striving, you can’t add one thing to what I’ve done for you, I did it all while I was dying. Rest in your faith my peace will come to you.
When I hear the praises start I want to rain upon you blessings that will fill your heart, I see no stain upon you because you are my child and you know me. To me you’re only holy. Nothing that you’ve done remains only what you do for me. -- Keith Green
You are all that I have and all I have is You. You are all that I am and all I am is You. Whatever you ask of me there is no one I’d rather be than one created to worship You. In all that comes my way, poverty or failure I was created to worship You. 'Created to Worship' --Rita Springer
Holy, you are still holy even when I don’t understand Your ways, and sovereign, You are still sovereign even when my circumstances don’t change. Lord I don’t deserve your tender patience when my unbelief has kept me from your truth. I want my life to be a sweet devotion to You. So, I come into your chamber and I dance at your feet Lord, You are my Savior and I am at your mercy all that has been in my life until now, it all belongs to you, for You are still Holy. We all just belong to you. – Rita Springer
I close my eyes and I see Your face, if home's where my heart is then I am out of place, Lord won't you give me strength to make it through somehow, I've never been more homesick than now. -Mercyme
Keith Green is awesome, check out his website at: www.keithgreen.com
The church just can’t fight because it’s asleep in the light. How can you be so dead when you’ve been so well fed? Jesus rose from the dead and you can’t even get out of bed. -- 'Asleep in the light' by: Keith Green
sidenote: Keith Green sings this song called 'He'll take care of the Rest' where he tells stories about God's provisions. He tells the story about Moses, and in his song God calls Moses 'Mo' ... and it gets me everytime...Mo .... haha..
Jesus commands us to go but we go the other way, so He carries the burden alone while His children are busy at play, feeling so called to stay.... Jesus commands us to go, it should be the exception if we stay. It’s no wonder we’re moving so slow, when his church refuses to obey, feeling so called to stay. -- Keith Green
I wanna take your word and shine it all around, but first help me just to live it Lord. And when I am doing well help me to never seek a crown, for my reward is giving glory to You. ‘O Lord You’re Beautiful” – Keith Green
To obey is better than sacrifice I want more than Sunday and Wednesday nights cause if you can’t come to me everyday then don't bother coming at all. "To obey is better than sacrifice" -- Keith Green
My son, my son why are you striving, you can’t add one thing to what I’ve done for you, I did it all while I was dying. Rest in your faith my peace will come to you.
When I hear the praises start I want to rain upon you blessings that will fill your heart, I see no stain upon you because you are my child and you know me. To me you’re only holy. Nothing that you’ve done remains only what you do for me. -- Keith Green
You are all that I have and all I have is You. You are all that I am and all I am is You. Whatever you ask of me there is no one I’d rather be than one created to worship You. In all that comes my way, poverty or failure I was created to worship You. 'Created to Worship' --Rita Springer
Holy, you are still holy even when I don’t understand Your ways, and sovereign, You are still sovereign even when my circumstances don’t change. Lord I don’t deserve your tender patience when my unbelief has kept me from your truth. I want my life to be a sweet devotion to You. So, I come into your chamber and I dance at your feet Lord, You are my Savior and I am at your mercy all that has been in my life until now, it all belongs to you, for You are still Holy. We all just belong to you. – Rita Springer
I close my eyes and I see Your face, if home's where my heart is then I am out of place, Lord won't you give me strength to make it through somehow, I've never been more homesick than now. -Mercyme
Keith Green is awesome, check out his website at: www.keithgreen.com
9.12.2005
Reflections on 9/11
September 11, 2001, it was a tragedy that day – I think everyone would say.
I know the Lord wept and there are still some scars left.
But I don’t want to remember it this way, with hate in our hearts like Satan’s here to stay.
Terror was our reality – but, that was just once. In the rest of the world it has gone on for months.
Bombs in London and Turkey, Afghanistan is under attack. Maybe we hear it on TV or news about the war in Iraq.
Terror is bred there, it grows and will feed on our lack of compassion and Westernized greed.
Not making excuses or saying it is right, but what about grace and prayer instead of putting up a fight?
The Muslim world, is where terror makes its home, and it breaks my heart that we leave them alone.
Alone in their suffering, like they all are to blame, instead of mending the broken in the power of Jesus’ name!
To them Jesus is just another nice guy and the Christianity they see just makes them wonder why.
Where is our hope, the truth, and God’s glory? Why aren’t we living and telling the story?
Hundreds of thousands dying and condemned to hell. Do we care enough to go? Do we care enough to tell?
Yeah, it was a tragedy just 4 years ago. But, my hope is in His promise that every nation will know.
Let’s remember together, and let it spur us on… to pray, to hope, to believe, and to miss Jesus when He is gone.
Thank you, Lord that it doesn’t end in death and pain. But You’ve conquered it all and we can live like death is gain!
I know the Lord wept and there are still some scars left.
But I don’t want to remember it this way, with hate in our hearts like Satan’s here to stay.
Terror was our reality – but, that was just once. In the rest of the world it has gone on for months.
Bombs in London and Turkey, Afghanistan is under attack. Maybe we hear it on TV or news about the war in Iraq.
Terror is bred there, it grows and will feed on our lack of compassion and Westernized greed.
Not making excuses or saying it is right, but what about grace and prayer instead of putting up a fight?
The Muslim world, is where terror makes its home, and it breaks my heart that we leave them alone.
Alone in their suffering, like they all are to blame, instead of mending the broken in the power of Jesus’ name!
To them Jesus is just another nice guy and the Christianity they see just makes them wonder why.
Where is our hope, the truth, and God’s glory? Why aren’t we living and telling the story?
Hundreds of thousands dying and condemned to hell. Do we care enough to go? Do we care enough to tell?
Yeah, it was a tragedy just 4 years ago. But, my hope is in His promise that every nation will know.
Let’s remember together, and let it spur us on… to pray, to hope, to believe, and to miss Jesus when He is gone.
Thank you, Lord that it doesn’t end in death and pain. But You’ve conquered it all and we can live like death is gain!
9.06.2005
9.04.2005
Exhortation.....
I came home from church today really hurt -- I know it might have looked like anger to those who heard the ranting -- but it really was deep hurt for the church and a desire for her to be who the Lord created her to be!
Here is the scenario... I have some friends I have met at school who are not believers, one of them is an exchange student from another country where there are very few Christians at all and the other is a freshman who looks and acts very different from my 'normal' group of friends -- her heritage is also from another country. Well, they wanted to go to church with me -- so we all went together this morning to the big college group... and we got ignored. No one, not one single person came up and introduced themselves to my friends -- they were completely ignored. The few people that I knew there came up and talked to me and I introduced them to my friends but very few people actually tried to be interested in their lives or know them at all. As a matter of fact, the only two people who had any kind of sustained conversation with my friends for more than 1 minute were 2 guys! No girls, no one on leadership -- no one. So we sang songs and listened to a sermon about Isaiah6:8 'Here am I, send me!"... and we missed it. The nations came to church this morning and no one cared! Afterwards they had a free lunch thing and my friends didn't even want to stay -- they felt so unwanted and out of place. On the way home, I felt like I had to appologize to them for our behavior and try to explain who the church is supposed to be. After I dropped them off, I just cried.
So, this is an exhortation to myself as part of the church as much as it is to the rest of the church to wake up and take a good look around us! If we are only saying good words about reaching out to others and not taking every opportunity to do so -- then we are missing it. It should NOT be possible for 2 obviously 'different' people to walk into a church willingly and be run out unloved and unnoticed. We didn't just fail these 2 girls today, we failed each other. They knew that I had been at that place for 4 years and yet they watched me get ignored just like they did and they didn't understand it and I couldn't explain it. I don't have this all figured out either and I have missed plenty of opportunities to love when I could have... so really am saying "let us".. let us to this together, let us be instruments of change, let us be humbled and give up our lives.
Praise God for his patience and his kindness that we will get other chances, that these girls are still around to be known and loved -- but we missed it and we failed today and our failure didn't just hurt them and me ... it hurt the Lord and His heart for His church. Let's rise up against this selfishness and inward focus and intellectual chatter to be the church that nurtures and gives herself up for the world! Let us love one another in a way that declares loudly to the on-lookers that our love comes from Jesus Christ -- Savior of the World. Let us live differently, so that there can be no other explanation for where our treasure is and who our Master is. Jesus is worth so much more than this and the church and be so much more than she settled for today. Lord Jesus, come -- replace our ideas, feelings, pursuits, with passion for your Name. Let our lives not be wasted, spent on the world that has nothing eternal to offer back to us. Let us redeem the time we have lost by choosing to enlist in the battle going on all around us Lord. Forgive us Father for our apathy and lack of desire -- fill us with your Love that transforms and sustains, Jesus. We must decrease, but You must increase ... we're asking You God -- come and heal our land, restore our churches, remake us at your cross that we might reflect You to the world you came to save. We love you God -- Amen
Here is the scenario... I have some friends I have met at school who are not believers, one of them is an exchange student from another country where there are very few Christians at all and the other is a freshman who looks and acts very different from my 'normal' group of friends -- her heritage is also from another country. Well, they wanted to go to church with me -- so we all went together this morning to the big college group... and we got ignored. No one, not one single person came up and introduced themselves to my friends -- they were completely ignored. The few people that I knew there came up and talked to me and I introduced them to my friends but very few people actually tried to be interested in their lives or know them at all. As a matter of fact, the only two people who had any kind of sustained conversation with my friends for more than 1 minute were 2 guys! No girls, no one on leadership -- no one. So we sang songs and listened to a sermon about Isaiah6:8 'Here am I, send me!"... and we missed it. The nations came to church this morning and no one cared! Afterwards they had a free lunch thing and my friends didn't even want to stay -- they felt so unwanted and out of place. On the way home, I felt like I had to appologize to them for our behavior and try to explain who the church is supposed to be. After I dropped them off, I just cried.
So, this is an exhortation to myself as part of the church as much as it is to the rest of the church to wake up and take a good look around us! If we are only saying good words about reaching out to others and not taking every opportunity to do so -- then we are missing it. It should NOT be possible for 2 obviously 'different' people to walk into a church willingly and be run out unloved and unnoticed. We didn't just fail these 2 girls today, we failed each other. They knew that I had been at that place for 4 years and yet they watched me get ignored just like they did and they didn't understand it and I couldn't explain it. I don't have this all figured out either and I have missed plenty of opportunities to love when I could have... so really am saying "let us".. let us to this together, let us be instruments of change, let us be humbled and give up our lives.
Praise God for his patience and his kindness that we will get other chances, that these girls are still around to be known and loved -- but we missed it and we failed today and our failure didn't just hurt them and me ... it hurt the Lord and His heart for His church. Let's rise up against this selfishness and inward focus and intellectual chatter to be the church that nurtures and gives herself up for the world! Let us love one another in a way that declares loudly to the on-lookers that our love comes from Jesus Christ -- Savior of the World. Let us live differently, so that there can be no other explanation for where our treasure is and who our Master is. Jesus is worth so much more than this and the church and be so much more than she settled for today. Lord Jesus, come -- replace our ideas, feelings, pursuits, with passion for your Name. Let our lives not be wasted, spent on the world that has nothing eternal to offer back to us. Let us redeem the time we have lost by choosing to enlist in the battle going on all around us Lord. Forgive us Father for our apathy and lack of desire -- fill us with your Love that transforms and sustains, Jesus. We must decrease, but You must increase ... we're asking You God -- come and heal our land, restore our churches, remake us at your cross that we might reflect You to the world you came to save. We love you God -- Amen
9.01.2005
people I miss
Just want to shout out to some of my most favorite people in the whole world! I love you guys, miss you a lot, think about you daily, and things remind me of you all the time and I am like -- 'haha, remember the time --- and then you aren't there' ... yes, my life is sad. But it has been fun telling stories about you all. Like Michelle, remember the time I left bacon in our microwave and had to do a quick cover up? .... The guys had a BBQ the other night and I brought my friend from over there with me and the guys had bacon wrapped the steaks and grilled sausage and porkchops.... lol, it was fun doing damage control on that one -- wish you could have been there.
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