finally...

It's update time! Sorry to keep you waiting (as you anxiously check my blog everyday -- jk -- except to Michelle/update Nazi ... jk)
Well, on a high learning curve these days. I am 22 now -- older, but the wiser part remains to be seen. I am learning a lot about what it means to be sacrificial and not in the comfortable -- you can have my seat kind of way, but in the radical 'I gave my today so you could have a tomorrow' kind of way. Hang with me here, I am not just being extreme because that is my personality but because when it comes to being sacrificial, I truly believe that Jesus set an example that puts most of us to shame.
So -- here's a trend I see in my own life when it comes to being a 'living sacrifice'. I am willing to sacrifice to the degree that I appear hospitable or Christ-like and can do this completely on my own without any encouragement or support. However, when things get uncomfortable, annoying, painful even I am a lot more likely to see a way out of the situation or avoid it all-together. For example, 'give to those who can't give back to you.' (Luke something) seems straightforward enough. Yet often times in my relationships one of the continual struggles is feeling 'empty' or 'not valued' because I am giving and expecting things to be paid back to me and when they aren't I feel as if my 'rights' are being violated. The whole issue of 'rights' is a whole other soapbox I will put aside for now...
Here is some scripture that has been weighing on me this week --

I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren, my kinsmen. Romans9:2-3

This is what Paul said to the Romans and he never even went to visit them! He was willing to sacrifice his own salvation for the salvation of others... I really can't even imagine that kind of tenacity and brokenness for other people. What am I willing to give so others can know him? A few hours here and there, maybe even a summer trip or few years of my life -- but my whole life, everything that is considered 'mine' offered up so that the world might know Jesus Christ. Not on my own, I need God to come and give me a heart and life of willing obedience and love for Him above my own life, because really to belong to Jesus is for my life to not be 'mine' anymore.

But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. YOU TOO, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me. Philippians2:17-18

Paul's service wasn't out of compulsion or desire to be a men-pleaser but out of JOY. His loving service and sacrifice for others' faith came out of an overflow of joy in his life because of what God was doing. My service oftentimes begs for attention or complains at the way others aren't serving as much as I am etc etc. It isn't joyful because on my own I can't produce that kind of life giving joy -- again, I need the Spirit of God in me to overflow into the lives of others.

And my own personal summary of Ephesians4 is: walk with humility, gentleness, tolerance, and preserve unity. Speak truth in love for edification. Be kind, tender-hearted and forgiving.

If you know me, then you know that these are not natural personality traits that I have but that anything good or righteous that comes from my life comes from the Giver of Life. We are, and yes I feel pretty confident speaking for all of us on this one -- we are stubbor, stiff necked, and obstinate people in deep need of a Savior every hour, every moment. This is all really elementary to faith -- but I have just neeeded to hear these things spoken over me and rest again in what He so graciously supplies everyday instead of the sloppy mess that I can produce on my own.

It awes me to think about a generation marked by the Spirit of God in this way, that would say 'Don't just take my parking place and my spot in line but here, take my whole entire life, it is my joy to serve and sacrifice for your faith.' God, help us!