Title

I can't think of what to call this post? It is a coming out of hibernation of sorts. I haven't posted in a while because I'm not sure what to say... I'm still not, but thought I'd give it a try anyway. Sometimes I feel like in order to be ABLE to post on here I have to have some kind of news, event, story to share - and I don't really... I just want to process. So, you've been warned:
Life is different. Seems obvious enough - get married, move to new city, start new job... life will be different. Some days the adjustment isn't really a big deal, and other days I can't stand it, but life goes on and it gets better.
I feel like I should preface anything else I'm about to say with, marriage is great - I love being married and my husband is incredible. That being said, I miss my friends, I miss my team, I miss Waco and Woodway, and being familiar with everything. All in all I think it was pretty necessary for us to move away and I can see ways we have grown individually and together already that would have been a lot more difficult had we not moved.
I have felt in a way that I haven't in a long time (probably since I was living in Turkey) that NOTHING can satisfy except for Jesus. It is easy when Jeff is really the only friend that I have in the Bedfordish area, or see daily to want him to meet my needs and want him to satisfy me. And he can't... I mean, he can in the immediate kind of way, but not in the deep, sustaining way that my soul longs for. And for the first time in my life, I'm having to choose Jesus daily without anyone (husband excluded) around me spurring me in that direction on a daily basis. Honestly, I pretty pridefully expected that I wouldn't struggle with that choice, but I have, a lot, and there have been several days I have not chosen wisely.
Ultimately, I'm thankful for this time (however long it lasts) because I KNOW now that my hope, my joy, my Jesus does not rely on my home group, my roommates, my teammates, my friends or any other of life's circumstances. I would have said I believed that... but it has been good to be tested in that and see what I'm really standing on. Truthfully, I have stood on many of your shoulders and have felt kind of empty without you - but I know it isn't YOU that makes me stronger, it is Jesus IN you and even when you aren't with me I still have access to that kind of strength...but it doesn't come as naturally as it did beside you. That's really all I've been wanting to say...I miss you, but I'm feeling disciplined and refined in a way that reminds me of the gracious Father love of God that is always calling us to wholeness and holiness. And that's a good feeling, I haven't felt the burning fires of refinement in a while... and it hurts and the pain reminds me to be soft and moldable. It is good.