Change

There are few things in life more certain than change, you'd think I'd be more accustomed to it. I feel like my life has been in a semi constant state of transition for about 3 years and I guess I just assumed there would be a point where it would stop. But the more I think about it the more I imagine that everyone probably feels this way - that things are constantly changing, whether it is your family, job, the economy, the president...things are always changing. I've considered myself to be pretty flexible and easily adaptable, but now I'm not sure that is true.
I guess I'm feeling like I'm standing on this precipice of change and I know that things will never be the same. Our departure overseas is rapidly approaching and while it has been coming for a long time, I am just now feeling the weight of this decision. Well, that might be a little too dramatic, I guess what I mean is I'm just now feeling the intensity of the change looming all around us (was that less dramatic?). I guess it just feels really dramatic right now and even though I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else than where we are going, I'm feeling pretty sad right now.
I mean it isn't that life is perfect right now and I want to freeze it and make time stay like this, it is just more an acknowledgment that things will never be the same. When I came back from Turkey every summer and after living there for 6 months, I was different each time and it was a hard adjustment for me to be back in America. I know I will change and while part of me is eager and excited about that I'm also scared. Living in Iraq and doing the work we will be doing is going to change me and I know I can never live the same way again or look at the world the same way after I have experienced that... and it kind of scares me. I know that Jeff will change and be changed by our time there. I know our marriage will change and we will learn totally different ways of relating to each other. And those things scare me, but I think what makes me the most sad is thinking about how all of you will change.
Every time when we come home I know that we will see a little bit of it, but probably won't be able to really see it until we are back for a while. I'm sad about the weddings that I will miss (yours especially, fife), the birthdays I will miss and how this is our last Thanksgiving and Christmas to spend with our families for a while. I'm sad about the babies that will be born and will grow up and I won't get to watch it first hand. I'm sad about not being able to talk to my close friends and family that I talk to weekly. I'm worried that people will forget about us and that we won't be able to be close to the people we are close to now. I'm just feeling sad about the inevitable change that will happen and scared about what it will be like.
I know we are headed in the right direction, and I don't doubt for a second that God will fulfill his promise to repay a thousandfold (or is it a hundred?) all that we have given up for him and that He is SO worth it! But, I guess this is just me counting the cost and I think it is okay to feel sad and grieve the loss of these things, otherwise it would just be that much harder when the reality hits. I just wanted to be honest about where I am right now and what it feels like to get ready to move overseas.