Life Recently

This was taken at Homestead Heritage... it is kind of like an amish farm/ maybe a cult? But it was pretty cool I guess.



These are the UH-MAZING leaves that actually change colors in the fall ... but only in Pennsylvania and the surrounding states. I spent a few days there visiting my sister and it was beautiful!



This was taken by my roommate Jenny, the professional photographer. This was the night we had a 'roommate dinner' which was really an elaborate scheme - the Megan & Ryan engagement!



These are my cousins and second cousins - which one is me?

God's Politics

Sorry it's been so long since the last postage. Is it really November already? This kind of creeps me out. In light of the recent election as well as my own recent interest in politics I thought I'd let you in on a little political discourse I've been having with myself recently. You can only discourse with yourself for so long before it is socially unacceptable and I fear I might be reaching this point, so come on in the water is.... ???
So, I voted on Tuesday and I am gonna tell you a little secret - that was the first time I ever voted. I've just never had the interest or felt like it really mattered or wanted to educate myself before. But I really enjoyed it and at the same time was kind of surprised at what turned out to be the key issues in this election. Here are some thoughts I've written down over the last few months as I've been thinking about this stuff:

"Peace by way of war is like purity by way of fornication." - Derek Webb

What does it mean to have fleshly enemies? To take a stand against evil while loving the enemy? To submit to God's ultimate and complete authority while engaging in the battle around us? Is war an act of vengance and should we EVER touch that? Is it dangerous language to name the terrorists 'the enemy.' - who is the REAL enemy here? Who's definiton of 'evil' are we as a nation using and can we hold that up to a totally different culture as a measuring rod?

I obviously have a lot more questions than answers here. I know I need to seek a heart of humility instead of judgment and pray for our world leaders A LOT!
Here are some truth's I've been praying over some of the things going on in the world today...
Let the groans of the prisoners come before you; according to your great power, preserve those doomed to die! Psalm 79:11. This is my prayer for the death penalty to be abolished and for all of the prisoners around the world that are in need of a Savior.

Give the King your justice, O God, and your righteousness to the royal son! May He judge your people with righteousness, and your poor with justice! May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the children of the needy and crush the oppressor! Psalm 72: 1-2, 4
This is my prayer for the leaders of the world today

This was King David's prayer before his death and I LOVE how it captures his heart as a man who lived under the authority of God...
Blessed are You, O lord God of Israel our father, forever and ever. yours, O Lord, is the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and on the earth; yours is the dominion, O Lord, and you exalt Yourself as head over all. Both riches and honor come from You and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone. Now, therefore, our God we thank you and praise Your glorious name. But who am I and who are my people that we should be able to offer as generously as this? For all things come from You, and from Your hand we have given you.
1 Chronicles 29:11-14

You might want to check out this book, I haven't finished it yet but it has been really helpful in thinking through some of these things. God's Politics by Jim Wallis. Also you can check out www.sojo.net

Michelle's Visit

here are some pics from when my favorite Michelle came to visit.

rebel continued...

So, after I wrote my last post about being rebellious and was really broken over all of that junk in my heart that had totally deceived me. It is a long story but the point is that rebellion is a heart attitude that affects everything. I feel like I've gotten a lot 'softer' over the last few years when it comes to being moldable and responding to God's call. However, when I allow that rebellion to surface in my heart it doesn't just capture part of me but becomes a heart condition. The good news is that Jesus is victorious and has redeemed my life from rebellion -- right now. I can choose to live in that victory daily, but man, the consequences of letting that little seed grow are huge. Anyway, this is the verse that God gave me about rebellion the other night.

Let not the rebellious exalt themselves...for you O God have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs, you let men ride over our heads; we went through the fire and through the water yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance...come and hear all you who fear God and I will tell what he has done for my soul. Psalm 66:7,10-12,16

So, even after this I didn't feel like I was ready to be able to testify to what God did in my soul... I still felt like someone grieving. Anyway, the next day I went to the lake for my lunch break to just listen and this is what came out:

Just one more day I need to stay
Before I can go to where I don’t know.
Just more time to be here with you
And then I’ll be ready to face all that’s new
… or is that really true?
What is one more when a million more will never be enough?
To make me feel secure, ready, strong and tough.
Because the truth is that I am so afraid
Afraid to fail- afraid it’s not worth the price I’ve paid.
I still want to go and join God over there
But after I am done here and don’t really care.
It honors our Father when we choose to obey
Against our own wishes and still stand to say
'Not my will but yours be done.’ In my heart
Remove every seed of rebellion, not just in part.
This confession is god’s mercy to me
Because I know through him I am free
Free to die and live like it is gain
Free to submit to the name above every name.

After this I still felt like, well it rhymes but I am not fully there yet. And I just decided that is okay. I've found that obedience is about little simple 'yes's' and once you choose to obey God gives the grace to make it easier or just make it okay. I still feel great hope and excitement about moving overseas, I also still don't feel ready... but I do fully desire to be obedient and that means being urgent in my departure date. I don't want to be a rebel, I want to be meek.

rebel without a cause

So... this is me. God has been continuing to show me all the areas of my life that have this heart attitude of rebellion. It is ridiculous, I mean someone give me a harley and a bad boy in a leather jacket already!!! Somewhere along the way (I haven't pin pointed it yet) I believed the lie that I know better than other people. Hence the pride that I struggle with daily. There was this little seed of rebellion that I watered and nutured and let grow into this terrible spirit of pride and self righteousness. Now isn't that attractive? Who wouldn't want a lil piece of that?
God is authority. To know that He really does hold the world in His hands and have total and undivided authority over everything on the earth -- this is freedom. Out of this knowledge I am free to submit to ANY earthly authority because Jesus is the one who is in authority. It is NOT my job to decide who is good and who is evil and what is right and what is wrong. God has given me this deep sense of justice in my heart. I mean really, injustice stirs me up more than just about anything. When I was in 5th grade I was on a few news stations for starting a red cross drive at my school and then in 6th grade I wrote and editorial in the local paper about gang violence. haha -- I've always felt this urging to rise up and DO something about the things I think are wrong. I've never been one to sit by and let it happen without at least slandering some people.
God is bringing about this brokenness in my heart that says 'To You Jesus, I submit everything - You are authority and I choose to honor you in the people you have placed in authority.' See, God didn't make me the pastor, the teacher, the police officer ... whoever it is that God has delegated His authority to that I want to criticize.... it wasn't me. God uses both good and evil men, that is his deal, my deal is to obey.
I still struggle with this, I don't feel right now like there is this peace allowing me to quietly choose submission. I still get all riled up on Sunday mornings and have to choose to pray instead of slander. But seriously, who do I think I am? Do I not have those same things inside of me that I can detest so easily in others?
God be gracious to me, the biggest sinner I know... Help me submit to your authority in the world instead of trying to judge them..... that's all I got tonight, just needed to say these things 'out loud'.... if you see me being a rebel without a cause, heck, even if there is a cause, smack me -- hard.

Living More With Less

I've been spending this month meditating on, learning about, and trying to practice simplicity in my life. First of all let me dismiss the myth that living more simply is simple because that is just not true. It takes a lot of intention, time, and discipline. Because our world is so fast paced, convenient, and impersonal, trying to go against the flow is really hard! I got this book, 'Living More With Less' and have read about half of it so far. It is really incredible, it was written by a Mennonite woman who compiled stories and testamonies from around the globe of people who have chosen simplicity out of their desire to honor Christ in all things. One of the biggest things so far that this book has helped me hold onto is that my life, my every day decisions make a WORLD of difference. I am not going to change the world by my life and that is not the point; but every time I choose to do something like walk instead of drive, buy with integrity by not giving money to companies that don't pay their laborers a living wage or have poor working conditions, or the thousands of other choices I make that honor others and God above myself and my comfort -- this is obedience. The earth is the Lord's and all it contains -- this means something to me like it hasn't before. This is something I am still definately growing in, but it has been really freeing to let go of some of the things that I feel like I 'need' but really they only detract from the things that are better. I wrote this the other night as a kind of response to all these things that I am feeling and thinking.

One -- a single unit all alone
self contained and fulfilled
not knowing others or being known.
I don't need you in order to be me
I already decided who I am
and I am just fine -- can't you see?

'How appalling!' -- 'Why, how rude!'
'that is not me' we say assuredly.
But lives may say otherwise from our clothes to our food.
My momentary choices may seem small
like how I spend my time
or the things that I buy at the mall.

We are consumers and as such we say
who and what we stand for
in our manner of living every day.
I can't quite wrap my mind around
how my choices will affect the world
when they don't feel heavy or make a sound
It's not that I am so important and neat
but that I am not an island, so
when I take what could be yours it makes me a cheat.

To love mercy and do justice is no simple task
It takes awareness, intention, and death to myself.
But then, united, we can in God's glory bask!
I need you so I can be a better me,
because without you my joy is incomplete.
Thank you Jesus for the global Body that can't work independently.

My Friend

Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine... it is not so much a story as it is quotes from him and dialogue about his life. He is an encouragement to me because God has really changed him and with every letter I get from him I am more convinced of this. Briefly, his story is kind of like this: he was on the streets for a while and had done some time in jail and then got out of jail and was back on the streets and that was when I met him about 7 months ago. He was real tough and had a big chip on his shoulder to just about everyone. Me and my roommates started spending some time with him and getting to know him and his story. He lived with a prostitute for 10 years and had been into drugs and alcohol and was just dissatisfied with life. He was very hungry for God and we talked a lot about it and went to church together whenever we could. Well, one day he decided to turn himself in even though he had found a job and a place to stay he felt like that was what he needed to do to be obedient to God since he had money he owed for probation. So, he went to jail about 5 months ago. I got to go visit him a feew times before I left for the summer and even though he had some encouraging things to say about God sometimes I felt like overall he still wasn't getting it and was getting way too caught up in me and my roommates. The letters I got from him at first were kind of disturbing and inappropriate. We kept writing all summer and he went to the state prison about a month ago. It was maybe the best thing that ever happened to him. Since he has been in prison and unable to have visitors and has had regular chapel services God has really transformed him. I got a letter from him today and we wrote this: "Bless you prison, for having been in my life, for it is here that I have learned that the meaning of earthly existence lies, not as we have grown used to thinking, in prospering, but in the development of the soul. Bless you prison, for it is here that I learned to see justice in the way that Amos and Micah and Jeremiah and Isaiah saw it." He also quoted Joseph somebody and wrote this: "I need courage not just because I may fall on my face or worse but others seeing me a sorry spectacle if it should happen will say ' he didn't know what he was doing' or, 'he's foolhardy.' When it comes right down to it Lord, I choose to be your failure before anyone else's success. Keep me from reneging on my choice."
My friend has also been quoting whole chapters from the Bible that he's been reading and what God is speaking to Him. It is just real exciting to see where God has brought him and the ways that God loves and redeems life even when it may seem unredeemable. That is why I want to abolish the death penalty.... but that is another soapbox. =o)