8.02.2006
Please Pray!
So, it is only day 3 at candidate school, but it has been SOOOOO good, truly. I am not ready to process everything yet and don't think that I need to at this point. I would just ask you to pray. I really sense that this is going to be a time of deep healing, affirmation, and refinement in my life. I was just confronted earlier today about my lack of belief, in that I don't really believe God to heal the deepest hurts and fears in my life but I long for that so deeply. So, there is much hope and I am excited about the days ahead. Isn't it wonderfully beautiful that we are CONTINUALLY transformed into the image of Jesus actually sharing in His glory?! Well, this is all for now. Thanks for your prayers
7.23.2006
chirp... chirp...
or if you are in Corpus right now buzzzz (mosquitoes) or if you are living in my house in Waco right now gakzzp (whatever noise cockroaches make)... ewww... okay anyway the point of that is supposed to be silence. This is way too many words already to talk about silence -- reasons I am not good at this.
So, I've been pretty convicted over the last month about the ammount of stuff that comes out of my mouth that is so unnecessary or just prideful. I've never experienced this kind of unbridgable gap between my heart and my mind. I KNOW and desire to believe with every ounce of myself that the only way to freedom and the ultimate joy in Christ will be through death and surrender to myself and yet my flesh rebels against that ohhhhh ALL the time.
"We must seek a humility that rests in nothing less than the end and death of self; that gives up all the honor of men, as Jesus did, to seek the honor that comes from God alone; that absolutely makes and considers itself nothing so that God may be all, so that the Lord alone may be exalted." - Andrew Murray
Cognitively I am like "and a hearty AMEN to that" but my attitude and behavior still say that not only am I not dead, but I have some unmet expectations that I need to talk to you about... where is the disconnect? I wish I knew. It has certainly brought lots of humiliation though to continually fail at my attempts to be humble, but I would rather lay it all out there and get it out then let it grow and feed itself secretly.
"What a solemn thought, that our love for God will be measured by our everyday fellowship with men and the love it displays. How solemn that our love for God will be found to be a delusion, unless its truth is proved in standing the test of daily life with our fellowmen." - Murray
So... fellowmen, I am really sorry and God is seriously doing some work in my heart right now and I am working on thinking before I speak instead of that simultaneous thing that seems to happen. God has also been giving me an abundance of grace that has probably always been there, I just didn't want it before, to be accepting and loving (when I choose that).
It is a journey, like anything worth having, and I am still learning and struggling a lot, but I really do desire to honor God in my speech and thoughts .... so I will be putting the 'things I think you should change about yourself' list next to the 'reasons I am better than you' list in the 'big, fat, ugly, lie closet' (anyone? anyone?)
" Truly, truly, I say to you, Unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life looses it, and hw who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal." John 12:24-25
So, I've been pretty convicted over the last month about the ammount of stuff that comes out of my mouth that is so unnecessary or just prideful. I've never experienced this kind of unbridgable gap between my heart and my mind. I KNOW and desire to believe with every ounce of myself that the only way to freedom and the ultimate joy in Christ will be through death and surrender to myself and yet my flesh rebels against that ohhhhh ALL the time.
"We must seek a humility that rests in nothing less than the end and death of self; that gives up all the honor of men, as Jesus did, to seek the honor that comes from God alone; that absolutely makes and considers itself nothing so that God may be all, so that the Lord alone may be exalted." - Andrew Murray
Cognitively I am like "and a hearty AMEN to that" but my attitude and behavior still say that not only am I not dead, but I have some unmet expectations that I need to talk to you about... where is the disconnect? I wish I knew. It has certainly brought lots of humiliation though to continually fail at my attempts to be humble, but I would rather lay it all out there and get it out then let it grow and feed itself secretly.
"What a solemn thought, that our love for God will be measured by our everyday fellowship with men and the love it displays. How solemn that our love for God will be found to be a delusion, unless its truth is proved in standing the test of daily life with our fellowmen." - Murray
So... fellowmen, I am really sorry and God is seriously doing some work in my heart right now and I am working on thinking before I speak instead of that simultaneous thing that seems to happen. God has also been giving me an abundance of grace that has probably always been there, I just didn't want it before, to be accepting and loving (when I choose that).
It is a journey, like anything worth having, and I am still learning and struggling a lot, but I really do desire to honor God in my speech and thoughts .... so I will be putting the 'things I think you should change about yourself' list next to the 'reasons I am better than you' list in the 'big, fat, ugly, lie closet' (anyone? anyone?)
" Truly, truly, I say to you, Unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life looses it, and hw who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal." John 12:24-25
7.03.2006
july 4th
tomorrow will mark the first July 4th I've spent in the country in a long time ... naturally, this got me thinking, and well, here ya go.
I want to truly honor my country today, not write her off or blindly pledge allegiance.
Being patriotic isn’t about colors, fireworks, or picnics outdoors.
For me it is about owning my country and taking responsibility.
I am in the top 2% of the world that gets to go to college – therefore, I must educate myself and those around me.
My country is less than 10% of the world’s population consuming 2/3 of its resources. We have taken on a great responsibility as consumers whether we want it or not.
Because our consumer culture is spreading like wildfire around the globe, America can ‘afford’ to pay less than a living wage to over 60% of its workforce, ensuring that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
And every time we get to spend less money on things because someone isn’t getting paid a living wage – they are laying down their lives for us. Meanwhile, we just keep feeding the machine by demanding lower prices for our food and name brands while children and adults are enslaved so we can wear a ‘swoosh’ on our shoe or drink more coffee while the kids get beaten and the bean harvester can’t feed his family.
We have enough literacy and technology and available resources to know what we are responsible for … so why don’t we care?
What are we saying as the most powerful and ‘liberated’ nation in the world if 852 million people went hungry in 2002, (this rate only mildly improved today) and it wasn’t just across the ocean. Hunger and poverty is in every backyard of America with 36 million going hungry every year right here at home.
We have the cure you know? With the $13 billion we spend every year feeding our pets we could provide basic health care and nutritional needs for the world’s poorest people.
The world looks on America as a Christian nation and I have to wonder if Jesus would be ashamed. What about us? Are we ashamed?
We are truly a great and powerful nation… but what is the point of claiming our citizenship here on earth if we are not going to use it to further the Kingdom of God here? We could have been born in some ghetto of Africa, but we weren’t and for that we are responsible to the Lord. America is not my right … what do I have that God did not give to me? Christians of America we have a great responsibility to Jesus Christ and to the world to prove them wrong about us.
After the Holocaust, the wars, Rwanda, Darfur, and now Iraq – the world wants to know if America has any morals, any love, any standards? We do, I know we do and every voice, every whisper for truth and justice speaks louder than MTV or violence. I do not despise my country, I love her and I love justice and mercy. I hope and pray that this will be the generation that rises up to stand for Truth and Love and takes ownership of the world as Bonhoeffer described it -- “The concrete sphere of responsibility given to us by and in Jesus Christ.
“Now will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night and will He delay long over them? I tell you that he will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Luke 18:7-8
I want to truly honor my country today, not write her off or blindly pledge allegiance.
Being patriotic isn’t about colors, fireworks, or picnics outdoors.
For me it is about owning my country and taking responsibility.
I am in the top 2% of the world that gets to go to college – therefore, I must educate myself and those around me.
My country is less than 10% of the world’s population consuming 2/3 of its resources. We have taken on a great responsibility as consumers whether we want it or not.
Because our consumer culture is spreading like wildfire around the globe, America can ‘afford’ to pay less than a living wage to over 60% of its workforce, ensuring that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
And every time we get to spend less money on things because someone isn’t getting paid a living wage – they are laying down their lives for us. Meanwhile, we just keep feeding the machine by demanding lower prices for our food and name brands while children and adults are enslaved so we can wear a ‘swoosh’ on our shoe or drink more coffee while the kids get beaten and the bean harvester can’t feed his family.
We have enough literacy and technology and available resources to know what we are responsible for … so why don’t we care?
What are we saying as the most powerful and ‘liberated’ nation in the world if 852 million people went hungry in 2002, (this rate only mildly improved today) and it wasn’t just across the ocean. Hunger and poverty is in every backyard of America with 36 million going hungry every year right here at home.
We have the cure you know? With the $13 billion we spend every year feeding our pets we could provide basic health care and nutritional needs for the world’s poorest people.
The world looks on America as a Christian nation and I have to wonder if Jesus would be ashamed. What about us? Are we ashamed?
We are truly a great and powerful nation… but what is the point of claiming our citizenship here on earth if we are not going to use it to further the Kingdom of God here? We could have been born in some ghetto of Africa, but we weren’t and for that we are responsible to the Lord. America is not my right … what do I have that God did not give to me? Christians of America we have a great responsibility to Jesus Christ and to the world to prove them wrong about us.
After the Holocaust, the wars, Rwanda, Darfur, and now Iraq – the world wants to know if America has any morals, any love, any standards? We do, I know we do and every voice, every whisper for truth and justice speaks louder than MTV or violence. I do not despise my country, I love her and I love justice and mercy. I hope and pray that this will be the generation that rises up to stand for Truth and Love and takes ownership of the world as Bonhoeffer described it -- “The concrete sphere of responsibility given to us by and in Jesus Christ.
“Now will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night and will He delay long over them? I tell you that he will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Luke 18:7-8
6.26.2006
Resources
I've been reading a lot of books lately about current social issues, some titles I recomend are:
The Revolution, a field manual for changing your world by: heather Zydek
The Irresistable Revolution by: Shane Claiborne
The End of Poverty by: Jeffrey Sachs
Nickeled and Dimed by: Barbara Ehrenrich
I've been doing a lot of research and there are some really incredible organizations out there and some really important ways we can get involved. I know it seems overwhelming to even do anything, so here are some easy ways to take a stand.
www.bloodwatermission.com
this organization was started by the lead singer of Jars of Clay and is commited to fighting the HIV/AIDS pandemic by building clean wells in Africa and fighting against poverty. Did you know that there are nearly 300 million people in Africa who do not have access to safe drinking water? Did you know that one U.S. dollar equals clean water for one African for an entire year?!
www.bread.org
bread for the world is a Christian organization seeking justice for the world's hungry people. Did you know that more than 852 million people in the world went hungry in 2002? Even in America 36 milion people went hungry. Did you know that the basic health and nutritional needs of the world's poorest people could be met for an additional $13 billion a year which is less than what the US and Europe spend on pet food each year.
www.ncadp.org
this is the website for the national coalition to abolish the death penalty. Tomorrow and Wednesday there are 3 men scheduled for execution and on this site you can send a letter to the government asking them to spare the lives of these men as well as send letters to the president as a man of faith to take a stand as a Christian against sending the message that any life is beyond redemption.
www.one.org
this campaign is about fighting global poverty and aids. Sign the declaration and send letters to our representatives lobbying for policies that support debt relief, aid, and other services to the poor worldwide.
There are hundreds of websites dedicated to loving others the way Jesus did. This isn't about patting ourselves on the back but about being reponsible for what the Lord has entrusted to us. What do we have that He did not give to us? And what do we have that should not be given back to Him? Let's learn together how we can actively care for our world and glorify the God who saves.
The Revolution, a field manual for changing your world by: heather Zydek
The Irresistable Revolution by: Shane Claiborne
The End of Poverty by: Jeffrey Sachs
Nickeled and Dimed by: Barbara Ehrenrich
I've been doing a lot of research and there are some really incredible organizations out there and some really important ways we can get involved. I know it seems overwhelming to even do anything, so here are some easy ways to take a stand.
www.bloodwatermission.com
this organization was started by the lead singer of Jars of Clay and is commited to fighting the HIV/AIDS pandemic by building clean wells in Africa and fighting against poverty. Did you know that there are nearly 300 million people in Africa who do not have access to safe drinking water? Did you know that one U.S. dollar equals clean water for one African for an entire year?!
www.bread.org
bread for the world is a Christian organization seeking justice for the world's hungry people. Did you know that more than 852 million people in the world went hungry in 2002? Even in America 36 milion people went hungry. Did you know that the basic health and nutritional needs of the world's poorest people could be met for an additional $13 billion a year which is less than what the US and Europe spend on pet food each year.
www.ncadp.org
this is the website for the national coalition to abolish the death penalty. Tomorrow and Wednesday there are 3 men scheduled for execution and on this site you can send a letter to the government asking them to spare the lives of these men as well as send letters to the president as a man of faith to take a stand as a Christian against sending the message that any life is beyond redemption.
www.one.org
this campaign is about fighting global poverty and aids. Sign the declaration and send letters to our representatives lobbying for policies that support debt relief, aid, and other services to the poor worldwide.
There are hundreds of websites dedicated to loving others the way Jesus did. This isn't about patting ourselves on the back but about being reponsible for what the Lord has entrusted to us. What do we have that He did not give to us? And what do we have that should not be given back to Him? Let's learn together how we can actively care for our world and glorify the God who saves.
6.21.2006
on the road again
well, sorry it's been so long since the last update. Apparently, I had this dream about having all this free time or something. I am in H-town now about to drive to New Jersey with my sister to get her moved in. So I drove a U-haul up here from Corpus and thought I was going to make it scott free when I backed OVER a 2 foot metal pole... I mean on top of it. The truck wouldn't even drive so we had to call a tow truck and get it to lift the truck up like an inch and move it over another inch. So, 1 metal pole, a pentecostal reverand, his friend the tow truck man, a few inches, and $80 later we were on our way again. When my dad asked what the moral of the story was I told him "never put a u-haul in reverse" ... I mean you can't see anything directly behind you unless it is at least 5 feet tall, that puts a lot of small people in danger.
I am really pumped about the road trip, I love being in the car, and my sister just made her first big purchase and got herself a brand new 2006 Jetta with xm radio and lots of other shiny things. Haha, we both graduate and she buys herself a car and I buy myself a laptop, we're in totally different ball games here!
Been doing a lot of summer reading. I read 'The Poisonwood Bible' by: Barbara Kingsolver, and that is a really great book, I really enjoyed it as a work of fiction. I also read 'To Own a Dragon' by: Donald Miller and that was also a good book... not my favorite of his, but that's probably because he wrote it to guys without dads.
I am currently reading 'Nickled and Dimed" by: Barbara someone and "Humility" by: Andrew Murray. I think everyone in America should have to read Nickled and Dimed, I am not really sure how you enforce that other than giving everyone a copy at their birth and letting them know there will be a mandatory test at age 15 or something. But seriously, it is a really great book for helping to learn about the economic system in America and the low wage system. The Murray book is INCREDIBLE. The biggest sin I struggle with daily (as everyone who knows me on any level can attest to) is pride and this book has been sooooooooooo great in unpacking humility in the life of Jesus. It has brought such freedom and joy and I am only on chapter 4. I wish I could make a mandatory reading list and force read people -- unrealistic? Maybe... well, gotta run but hopefully it won't be so long before my next update. If you haven't seen me in a while here's a pic from this summer annnnnnnd just wanted to let everyone know I am going to dinner at the melting pot tomorrow night!!! I've never been.... real excited though!
I am really pumped about the road trip, I love being in the car, and my sister just made her first big purchase and got herself a brand new 2006 Jetta with xm radio and lots of other shiny things. Haha, we both graduate and she buys herself a car and I buy myself a laptop, we're in totally different ball games here!
Been doing a lot of summer reading. I read 'The Poisonwood Bible' by: Barbara Kingsolver, and that is a really great book, I really enjoyed it as a work of fiction. I also read 'To Own a Dragon' by: Donald Miller and that was also a good book... not my favorite of his, but that's probably because he wrote it to guys without dads.
I am currently reading 'Nickled and Dimed" by: Barbara someone and "Humility" by: Andrew Murray. I think everyone in America should have to read Nickled and Dimed, I am not really sure how you enforce that other than giving everyone a copy at their birth and letting them know there will be a mandatory test at age 15 or something. But seriously, it is a really great book for helping to learn about the economic system in America and the low wage system. The Murray book is INCREDIBLE. The biggest sin I struggle with daily (as everyone who knows me on any level can attest to) is pride and this book has been sooooooooooo great in unpacking humility in the life of Jesus. It has brought such freedom and joy and I am only on chapter 4. I wish I could make a mandatory reading list and force read people -- unrealistic? Maybe... well, gotta run but hopefully it won't be so long before my next update. If you haven't seen me in a while here's a pic from this summer annnnnnnd just wanted to let everyone know I am going to dinner at the melting pot tomorrow night!!! I've never been.... real excited though!
5.18.2006
can i get a witness?
I've seen some pretty amazing things in the last few days/weeks that I just gotta testify about! I have been really humbled by God's answer to my somewhat prideful asking of "Where is Your power?" About a month ago I started to feel discouraged about the seeming lack of power/ life transformation that happened in the lives of my friends. I was getting lots of opportunities to share the good news and speak truth over the lives of people but just felt like the power was lacking. I wanted to see the Sauls become Pauls and be radically transformed by an encounter with Jesus.
It was then that God began to speak to my heart about the patience of love, the humility of love, the gentleness of love -- it is not demanding or pushy. This is hard for me, I want to see a response and some kind of measurable change in my friends... God doesn't work like that.
So, this week I saw a client and to protect her privacy I will be as discrete as possible -- she has been addicted to crystal meth for 2 years, she has 2 children that are under 13 that 'take care of her'. Her fiance went to jail in January and since then she has been on multiple 9 day drug binges where she can't function without passing out. Meth was the only thing that got her through the day. She turned to another man for comfort while her fiance was in jail and she was pregnant. She was so scared about being pregnant she cried for almost 2 straight hours as we discussed her options. All she wanted was an abortion, she couldn't keep the baby because if she did, her fiance is supposed to get out of jail soon and he would kill her when he found out it was another man's. She knew she had done a lot of drugs and that it was impossible that damage could not be done to the baby. We talked for a long time not only about her options but mostly about a God who loves her and wants to free and redeem her life. She wept over her sin but just wasn't ready to receive grace, she couldn't believe that God could not have a tainted view of her after all she'd done. She let me pray for her and we read some scripture and then she left the center not sure what she would do anymore but promising to return the next day. She came back and through the course of an ultrasound appointment she changed her mind about the abortion, decided that she wants to seek treatment for drugs and she had been clean since we talked the day before. And above all of that she received the good news and Jesus brought such freedom to her life that she was able to face the future confident that this child was a gift and not a curse and that God would care for her and her baby. The nurse described it as 'a revival in the ultrasound room'.
I have a couple friends that have gone to jail in the last month. Me and AB went to see them last night and it is just really cool to see how God is moving and drawing and wooing without me doing anything. I can visit for 20 minutes every week and send a letter once a week, but since this one guy has been in jail it has helped a lot with not confusing me with God. He goes to trial next week and could potentially face up to 4 years and he has more confidence than I have ever seen in him, he has more peace and I would even say joy than I have seen in him since we met a few months ago. It shouldn't surprise me that the power of God comes when I move out of the way, or when He moves me out of the way. But it has just been really encouraging and exciting to see hope flood into the lives of people who were dead and who are facing seemingly terrible circumstances and yet have found God in the midst of them.
The lives of these people have continued to teach me that suffering paves the way to joy and hope more beautifully and solidly than any pleasure or fleeting feeling ever could! I am still learning how to daily embrace this in my own life but I am really thankful for the faithfulness of God to show me He is the one that causes growth and that He CARES for His people like I never could. I think I sometimes let myself feel like I am in this by myself and God sure needs me.... lie, obviously, but sometimes when I make it about me it sure feels true.
Anyway, just wanted to share about the super exciting and refreshing ways I have seen the movement of God around me this week.
5.09.2006
whew....
So.... I am finally done with finals, with all the papers and stuff it felt more like it was 3 weeks long instead of just 1. I took my LAST final of college today, I mean assuming all goes according to plan -- I better stinkin graduate! I don't really think I get that I am done yet.... I feel kind of like this ....
So, graduating on Saturday at the same time as my sister so only my mom can come and then we are going to H-town to party with the rest of my family and my sister's boyfriend's family. So, should be fun... excited about it. I am not sure how many other people are graduating or graduated and feel totally unqualified to do anything -- but that is me. Where was the 'life skills' class? I should have gone to that one instead of manditory chapel. Don't have a whole lot of reflection on my college experience right now, I am still brain dead -- probably will be for a few more days.
So, graduating on Saturday at the same time as my sister so only my mom can come and then we are going to H-town to party with the rest of my family and my sister's boyfriend's family. So, should be fun... excited about it. I am not sure how many other people are graduating or graduated and feel totally unqualified to do anything -- but that is me. Where was the 'life skills' class? I should have gone to that one instead of manditory chapel. Don't have a whole lot of reflection on my college experience right now, I am still brain dead -- probably will be for a few more days.
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